


When All Is Said And Done

by queeerqueeen



Category: Seven Kingdoms Trilogy - Kristin Cashore
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kid Fic, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-19 21:32:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queeerqueeen/pseuds/queeerqueeen
Summary: Myra is everything to Fire. She's the child Fire had always wanted, but never let herself dream of actually having. Myra is her one reminder of the life she left behind, the loved ones she left behind. Myra is a mirror image of her father. There's strength and defiance behind her eyes, the same kind that Brigan had used to survive his less than loving “father” and the wars he was thrust into. The same look that had made Fire fall in love with him, and the one that made her run away.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Set in our world (in Portland), where there a lot of different supernatural creatures, Fire is still the last human ‘monster’. She and Brigan (who still had Hannah) had become good friends after getting past their resentment towards one another, and one day they both get really drunk and it leads to a one night stand. Fire ends up pregnant, and she runs. She ends up using the fortune her father left for her to open up a small cafe on Alberta street and cuts off contact from everyone. She decides to do this on her own, she wants this child and she doesn’t want anyone to tell her she shouldn’t have it. This story takes place when her daughter Myra is 4 years old. Myra was born with shocking violet eyes and hair in various shades of purple, the majority of it a soft lavender, with streaks of other shades.
> 
> This work is not Beta'd, please tell me if there are any mistakes.

Everything is calm at the cafe, people going in and out, Fire is neatly stationed at the register, watching over Myra, who is sitting at a booth, drawing calmly. Fire reaches out her mind to Myra’s to make sure she’s okay, and to discern if her little girl is hungry. Myra looks up at her, no doubt feeling the familiar presence and smiles widely at her, Fire smiles back. Myra is everything to Fire. She's the child Fire had always wanted, but never let herself dream of actually having. Myra is her one reminder of the life she left behind, the loved ones she left behind. Myra is a mirror image of her father. There's strength and defiance behind her eyes, the same kind that Brigan had used to survive his less than loving “father” and the wars he was thrust into. The same look that had made Fire fall in love with him, and the one that made her run away. 

Sometimes, Fire would let herself wonder what Brigan would think of their daughter, if he’d love her as much as he loved Hanna, or if he’d recognize the danger of her, the risk Fire had taken bringing another monstrous child into the world. Would he tell Fire that it wasn’t worth it, that her little girl couldn’t be trusted not to destroy everything she touched? Would he think she was as wonderful as Fire did? Would he be able to see that Myra was nothing like Cansrel, or Fire for that matter? She was a being all her own. She had all of Cansrel’s confidence with none of the arrogance or cruelty, she had Fire’s sensibility and compassion without her hesitation or self loathing. Although she’s still young, Fire can already tell that she’s going to do amazing things with her life, use her gifts to help people rather than to hurt them. Fire is startled out of her musing by the bell on the cafe’s door, signalling the arrival of a customer. Fire doesn’t even have the time to be horrified before Clara is rushing towards the counter, towards her. Clara looks both angry and relieved. 

“Fire! What the hell are you doing here, where the hell have you been. It’s been FIVE YEARS Fire!” Clare stops only long enough to catch her breath before she starts talking again. “Brigan was out of his mind when you disappeared, kept saying it was his fault for messing things up between the two of you. Was he the reason you left?” Clara looked halfway mad as she questioned Fire. Fire knows she must look as pale as a sheet and she can feel the tears welling up in her eyes, Myra’s mind touches her comfortingly and Fire can feel her getting up from her seat and walking over, Fire is helpless to stop her, she would never use her gift on her own child. 

“Mama, are you okay? What’s wrong Mama?” Myra’s voice is soft, but confident as she comes behind the counter to hug at Fire’s leg. Her pigtails bouncing as she walks. Fire picks Myra up, wanting to hide her face in her hair and never come out, to never have to face Clara, or anyone else, but that’s not possible when Clara is staring at Myra and Fire with wide eyes and a slack jaw. Fire takes a deep, shaky breath and looks up at Clara.

“Mama is fine Myra, this is Mama’s friend Clara, and I haven’t seen her in a very long time, can you say hello to Clara, baby?” Myra looks from Fire to Clara and smiles hesitantly before letting out a soft hello to Clara. Fire turns to Clara, who still looks like she’s in shock. “Would you like to sit down Clara? Have something to eat? I can make us something. Then, we can talk, you’ll obviously be wanting an explanation.” Fire can feel the shame rising up in her as Clara nods dumbly and takes a seat in a booth. Fire puts Myra down and tells her to go play upstairs in their apartment, reminding her to alert Fire if she needs anything, she kisses the top of Myra’s head before she goes. Fire puts together two sandwiches and two cups of coffee, extra sugar for Clara, just like she likes it, bringing it to the booth before sitting down. Fire wrings her hands together and start to open her mouth, but Clara speaks first.

“She’s Brigan’s daughter, isn’t she?” Clara’s accusing tone makes Fire’s face flush, Clara takes that as affirmation. “How the fuck could you do that to him, to us? What the fuck were you thinking, running away? We would’ve helped you Fire, you’re our family. Brigan’s been looking for you ever since you disappeared, convinced that it was all his fault. You ran away and have kept his child from him for five years Fire, do you know what that will do to him when he finds out? You know how much he loves Hanna, how guilty he feels for not being there for her when she was younger.” Fire tries so hard to hold herself together, but she can’t do it. Just thinking about Brigan wrecks her. Her entire body is shaking and she’s choking on her own tears, unable to breathe as the guilt and longing crash over her. To think that Clara is going to leave today and tell Brigan how Fire betrayed him, how she hid Myra’s existence from him, how Fire allowed another ‘abomination’ to come into the world, that she let him be an unwitting part of creating it. Fire doesn’t even stop to think that maybe the reason he’ll be upset is because he has missed so much of Myra’s life already. Fire is just barely catching her breath when she replies.

“You can’t tell him Clara, Myra doesn’t deserve that, she’s a good child Clara, she’s amazing and she doesn’t deserve his anger, or his-” she lets out a choked sob, “She doesn’t deserve his rejection. I can’t let her grow up knowing she has a father who thinks she’s a monster.” Clara’s face twists in anger at this. 

“Do you really think so poorly of him? That he would reject his own child, would make an innocent little girl feel like she’s a monster? You obviously don’t know him at all. Did you not see how much he loved you, he would do anything for you and Hanna, for any of his family. He could never hate Myra, could never hate his own child, could never hate your child. Fire, even if Myra weren’t his, he would love that little girl because she’s yours and god, Brigan loves you Fire, he has for a very long time.” Fire could hardly let herself believe the things she was hearing. Brigan couldn’t love her, she was a mistake, he had made that plenty clear after he had avoided her like the plague following their one night together. Fire curls her arms around her waist. She speaks in a low, trembling voice, filled with a lifetime of self doubt and hatred.

“You don’t know that Clara, you can’t say how he’ll react, if he ever loved me, which I doubt, I know he doesn’t love me now. I know you think he’d want to know about her, but it’s better this way.” Fire’s eyes are soft and resigned to being alone, “I can’t tell you not to tell him, but just, for me, please be absolutely sure of how it will turn out before you do. In the meantime, if you’d like to visit and get to know Myra, I would never tell you no. Myra would love another person around and I would love to see you again, to hear about what’s happened since I left.” Clara looks at Fire sadly, but nods. 

“I’d love to come back, Brigan isn’t the only one who’s missed you, we all have. I just wish- well, no use dwelling. Is it okay if I come back tomorrow?” Fire nods and smiles at Clara, tears in her eyes.

“Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Clara nods and gets up as if to leave only to turn back and pull Fire into a bone-crushing embrace.

“I missed you Fire, I was so worried when you disappeared, worried I’d never see you again, at least not alive and well. Myra is beautiful, just like you.” Clara runs a hand down Fire’s cheek before leaving the cafe. When the door closes behind her, Fire can feel exhaustion settling in her bones. She locks the cafe and flips the sign to ‘Closed’ before heading up to her apartment to check on Myra, she knows that she’ll have to explain. Myra is exceptionally bright and curious. She knew the day would come when she had to explain to Myra why her father wasn't around, why it was just the two of them. Fire just hadn't expected it to be so soon. When she gets up to the apartment, Myra is sitting on the floor of the living room playing with an intense look of concentration on her face. Fire smiles at her little girl.

“Myra, honey, are you hungry? Do you want me to make dinner yet?” Myra looks up at Fire with wide, curious eyes and nods her head slowly. She looks as though she’s thinking of what to say to Fire, what questions to ask. Before she can, Fire interrupts her musing. “Myra, I know you have a lot of questions, and I’m going to do my best to answer them for you, but first I think there are some things I need to tell you. Is that okay with you?” Myra scrunches up her face as she tries to decide and then she nods, Fire touches her mind gently, to make sure she understands before continuing. “The woman who came by today, my friend Clara, she’s your aunt, do you know what that means?” Myra nods and sends a little blip to Fire about them learning at school that aunts and uncles are the siblings of moms and dads. “Yeah, that’s right, but you know that I don’t have any siblings.” Myra nods. “So Clara is your father’s sister. I know we haven’t talked about it a lot, your father I mean.” Fire hesitates, wondering if this is the right thing to do, telling Myra about Brigan, letting her understand why Fire left and why Myra has never met Brigan, why he doesn’t know about her at all. She takes a deep breath and continues, she knows that Myra has a right to understand, even if she wishes that this could’ve held off for a while longer. “Myra, would you like to know more about him? To ask me questions? You don’t have to, but I want you to know that I’ll tell you about him if you want to know.” Myra seems to think about this for a few moments. She replies in a soft, unsure voice that breaks Fire’s heart.

“Why doesn’t my papa live with us? Everyone else at school knows their papa.” Myra hesitates and Fire can hear her voice wavering. “Does he not want me?” Fire feels as if she’s being stabbed, how could she not have seen this before? Not known that Myra was so unsure and hurt by this? 

“Honey, no, no that’s not it at all. That’s not why your father isn’t around. No, it’s my fault Myra.” Myra wipes her wet eyes and looks at Fire, mentally trying to express that she doesn’t think Fire could do anything wrong, this makes Fire feel worse, guiltier. “When I found out that I was going to have you, it was a very big surprise. I had always wanted a child, but it wasn’t something that I thought I could have because of my gifts, your gifts. I was really scared honey, but I really, really wanted you.” Fire takes a deep breath. “A long time ago, your papa and I didn’t get along very well, mostly because of my father and partly because of what I, we, can do. So, when I found out I was having you, I was afraid that he would be angry at me because you have the same gifts. So, I decided to run away and I opened up the cafe and I had you and I never told anyone. So, it’s not that your papa doesn’t want you, but he just doesn’t know about you.” Fire finishes and hopes that Myra had understood everything she explained. Myra was uncharacteristically quiet, and when she finally spoke, it was hesitant and unsure.

“Mama, will I ever get to meet my papa? Do you think he’d like me?” Fire smiles sadly at Myra, she wants so badly to tell her daughter that, yes, Brigan would love her with all of his heart, but Fire doesn’t know that, she really doesn’t know anything about the man anymore. Myra must sense that Fire doesn’t have an answer to her question, so she decides to ask a different one. “Will Aunt Clara come back? Does she like me?” Fire smiles at her, this is something she can give her little girl.

“Yes, Clara is going to come back, she’ll be here tomorrow and I know that she already loves you Myra, can already see how absolutely amazing you are.” Fire picks up Myra and starts tickling her making her laugh. Fire knows that everything will be okay, one way or the other the two of them will make it through everything and anything. “Do you have any more questions?” Myra stops and thinks before shaking her head. “Okay, well, I think it’s about time for dinner, don’t you?”


	2. Chapter Two

Clara leaves the cafe feeling dazed and confused. She had gone in because she passed it often when she was in the area, she never expected to see Fire. Fire has a daughter, Brigan has a daughter. She can’t wrap her head around the fact, can’t fathom the fact that Brigan doesn’t know about his own child, that Hanna doesn’t know she has a sibling. Clara knows that Fire is wrong about Brigan, wrong to be afraid of him, to think that he doesn’t love her and wouldn’t love their child. However, Clara understands Fire’s fear, that it comes from experience and a life full of people’s hatred for her and her gifts. Clara understands that one of those people was Brigan, understands that Brigan, once upon a time, had made Fire feel like an abomination, something that should never be allowed to exist. Clara can understand why Fire left. 

She doesn’t know what she’s going to do. She wants so badly to tell Brigan that she found Fire, that he has another daughter, but she can’t forget what Fire said about being absolutely sure that Brigan wouldn’t say or do something to hurt Myra. Truth be told, Clara was not sure, so she would go back tomorrow and visit with Fire and Myra, Clara would get to know her niece, then, when the time was right, she’d try to convince Fire to come back, to tell Brigan about Myra herself. 

When Clara arrived home, she passes by Brigan’s study, where he is no doubt trying to find a new way to search for Fire, like he has been for five years, since the day she left. He loves her so much, Clara wonders why Fire doesn’t understand that, didn’t see it when she was still with them. Curiosity gets the best of her and she knocks on the door to his study, she enters when she hears a quiet, exhausted ‘come in’. She sees Brigan slumped over his desk, bags under his eyes. She worries about him, worries about the stress he puts himself under, the stress Fire’s disappearance has put him under. She crosses her arms and tries to look indignant, instead of guilty and pitying. 

“Have you even slept or eaten at all since I left this morning? It’s evening already Brigan, you really need to stop and come eat, have dinner with us, with your family.” Brigan sighs and rubs his hands over his face, looking up a her she sees no life in his eyes. “I know you want to find her, but it’s destroying you Brigan, and it’s not just you that I’m worried about, Hanna is being affected too. Please come out and have dinner, spend some time with your daughter and your siblings, please.” Brigan sighs even more and looks at her.

“I have to find her Clara, I have to know that she’s okay, if it’s my fault, it must be my fault Clara. Why else would she up and leave?” Clara sighs and feels even guiltier, knowing where Fire is and not telling him when he’s suffering so much. But she needs to know that he won’t do anything rash. Maybe she can tell Brigan about Fire and Myra and just not tell him where they are? Gauge his reaction before she lets him know. Would that work? Would they still be safe if Brigan reacted badly? She decides to approach the subject as gently as possible.

‘What will you do if it was your fault, hmm? If Fire left because of something you did? I know you Brigan and I know you want to find her, but what will happen when you do? How will you react if it’s not something you can fix, if she doesn’t want to come back or if she doesn’t want to see you?” Brigan doesn’t even have the strength to look annoyed, let alone angry. 

“I just want to know that she’s alive, that she’s okay. I want her to come home, but if it’s not possible, I just need to know that she’s okay.” This breaks Clara a little bit more, this is how she knows she needs to tell him about seeing Fire, but maybe she shouldn’t say anything about Myra yet. 

“If I- if I could tell you for sure that Fire is okay, that she’s alive and well, would you believe me without seeing her?” Brigan looks up at her with confusion and anger in his face.

“Clara, do you know where she is?” Clara forces herself to nod, Brigan rises out of his chair and his face goes red with anger and frustration. “How long have you known?! Where is she Clara?” He starts to cry, “Why would you hide this from me?” He slumps back into his chair and covers his face with his hands, sobbing openly, half with relief and half with betrayal. Clara moves towards him slowly, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

“I only found out today Brigan, I swear. I would never keep something like that from you, but... “ Her voice is a whisper. “I can’t tell you where she is, you have to trust me that she’s okay, but until Fire is ready to come to you, you have to leave it alone. Promise me Brigan, I’m going to go back and see her, but you have to swear you won’t follow me, have to swear that you’ll stop searching.” Something like relief and disappointment floods his face, his heartache so clear in his expression and body, the weight of it almost crushing the strongest man Clara has ever known. His voice sounds so small and young.

“She doesn’t want to see me, does she? She ran away because of me, it really is my fault, I made her leave somehow.” He looks ill, as if he’s about to be sick. “I love her Clara, I love her and I made her leave, what did I do?” Clara aches for her brother, wants to tell him that it’s not really his fault, that it’s Fire’s insecurities that made her leave and keep her from coming back. Wants to tell him that Fire loves him, but she isn’t thinking about what she wants, she’s trying to think of what’s best for her child. Clara stays silent and tries to sooth her brother. 

“Will you come to dinner Brigan? If not for me and our siblings, at least come for Hanna. I know it’s difficult, but maybe this is a good thing, take this time to spend with your daughter, Hanna needs you. I know you love Fire, but your child is far more important right now.” Brigan nods slowly, if there’s one thing that can get him up and out of his fogs, it’s Hanna. He loves her more than anything, would die to protect her. They head to dinner and Hanna’s face lights up at seeing her father coming to eat with the family, and Brigan lights up too, his child that one bright thing in his life when everything feels so dark. Brigan looks like a weight has lifted from his shoulders and he laughs and jokes with all of them, Garan and Nash stare at him with wide eyed astonishment.

… 

Fire feels ill just thinking about what Clara will say when she comes to visit today, will she bring Brigan with her? Will Fire have to face the facts of what Brigan really thinks of her and what he’ll think of Myra? Fire can’t seem to sleep all night, so she lies in bed and just lets all of her anxiety and worry wash over her. She knows that as much as she doesn’t want to have to pick up the pieces if Brigan rejects she and Myra, there is also a large part of her that aches for him, a part that is always thinking of him and missing him and wanting him. And for all the time that she’s been away, that longing has never lessened, her love for him has never diminished. Fire wonders if it will hurt more to stay away, or to see him again. Before she knows it, it’s time to get up and get Myra to pre-school and open the cafe. It’s a busy day and it distracts Fire from her musing and worrying. She eases into the familiar routine of preparing customers drinks and food and almost forgets about what’s going to happen today. 

By the time Myra comes home Fire is relaxed and bright again, she sets Myra up at one of the tables with her coloring book and some toys like she always does, and keeps running the cafe. She keeps a close eye on Myra and brings her a snack and some juice when she hears the bell above the door ring and Clara’s voice calling out. 

“Hello Fire!” Fire turns and smiles hesitantly at Clara, afraid that at any moment Brigan is going to walk in and everything is going to fall apart, including her. There are no customers in the cafe, so Fire closes the door and flips the sign to ‘closed’.

“Clara, come sit down with Myra and I.” Clara comes to sit at the table where Myra is and Fire joins them. “I’m glad you could come, Myra was excited to hear you were coming back.” Clara smiles brightly and softly at Myra, she looks so much like Brigan and at the same time has so much of Fire, and so much that is uniquely her. 

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, Fire.” Clara leans over and pulls Fire into a hug that she melts into, it’s been so long since she’s had anyone’s affection other than Myra, so long since she’s had love in her life. Clara pulls back and looks at Myra. “Hello Myra, I’m sure your mother told you, but I’m Clara. It’s very nice to meet you.” Myra looks at Clara hesitantly, unsure if she can trust this woman, but her Mama seems to trust her.

“Hi Aunt Clara, my Mama told me that you’re my papa’s sister.” Fire pales, but she’ll let Myra ask her questions and let Clara answer them how she pleases. “Do you like me and Mama? Mama won’t say it, but lots of people don’t like us, is that why my papa isn’t here too? Does he not like me and Mama?” Fire wants to cry, she knows Myra is incredibly bright and even if she can’t read Fire’s mind, she still knows her better than anyone. She had hoped her daughter would never have to experience the ire that Fire had, but a mother can’t protect her child from everything. 

Clara is surprised that Fire told Myra who she is, and more surprised and saddened by the questions she asks, this innocent, beautiful little girl living with the weight of people’s hatred and the idea that her father isn’t around because he hates her too. Clara clears her throat and forces herself not to cry. 

“I love you and your mama, Myra, so much. I know we haven’t known each other very long, but you’re already very important to me. Your papa loves your mama very much, and he wishes all the time that he could see her again.” Clara looks at Fire and mentally asks her permission to tell Myra that her father doesn’t know about her. Fire tells her that she already knows. “I know your papa very well and I think if he met you, and knew you, he would love you more than anything in the world. Just like he loves your mama and just like he loves your older sister Hanna.” Myra’s eyes go wide at this new information. Her voice is soft, but confident.

“I have an older sister?” She turns to her mother. “Mama, you had another baby before me?” Fire almost laughs at the question and the incredulous look on Myra’s face. 

“No Myra, I didn’t have another baby before you. Before your father and I met, he had a child with another woman, who he loved very much, but she died. Hanna is your half sister.” Myra seems content with this answer. 

“If my papa doesn’t hate me, and he loves Mama, why isn’t he here?” Fire’s breath catches in her chest, so afraid of Myra’s reaction. She sends Clara a message saying that she’ll explain. 

“He’s not here because I’m still scared baby. You know how I told you that I left because I was afraid?” Myra nods solemnly. “Well, I’m still afraid, I love your papa very much and I’m worried that he’ll be angry with me, and that he’ll get angry at you for things that are my fault. Does that make sense honey?” Myra nods sadly and runs around the table to hug her mother. Fire lifts Myra into her arms and squeezes her, taking comfort from her daughter. Clara smiles at the two of them, but she’s positive now that Fire needs to tell Brigan, needs to see him and make up for the years she’s been away. Myra must sense that Clara wants to speak with Fire alone, so she extricates herself from Fire’s arms and announces that she’s going upstairs to take a nap. Fire smiles at her daughter’s very unsubtle way of excusing herself. Fire sighs when Myra is out of earshot. “She’s too understanding sometimes, too smart and mature for her own good. I want to protect her so badly, but it seems that there’s no way that I can.” Clara lays a hand on Fire’s back and starts rubbing soothing circles there. 

“You are an amazing mother Fire, and you’ve done everything for Myra, but no one can protect their children from everything. I know that you’re afraid, but I’m absolutely certain that Brigan loves you and that he’ll love Myra.” Clara takes a deep breath. “Brigan knows that I’ve seen you, that I know where you are, but I made him promise to leave it alone until you came to him and I didn’t say anything about Myra.” Fire’s breath hitches. “You should’ve seen him these past five years, he practically went mad when you left, he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he has to be forced to interact with anyone, including Hanna. Hanna is the only thing that’s kept him from falling apart completely. He looked so relieved when I told him you were okay, but he was devastated, thinking that he really had done something to make you leave. He still loves you Fire, he’s just afraid that you don’t love him anymore.” Fire feels all of these emotions rise up in her and she wants to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time.

“I have never and will never stop loving Brigan. After Myra, he and Hanna are the most important people to me. I never meant for him to suffer, I just… After what happened, I thought he wouldn’t want me anymore, that he thought it was all a mistake.” Fire starts to sob. “I thought he hated me again, and when I found out I was carrying Myra, it just seemed to cement it. Who would want a monstrous child with a monstrous woman that they despise?” Clara is so angry, not at Fire, but at Brigan, what must he have done to make such a lovely, amazing woman feel this way. The anger doesn’t last when Clara recalls Brigan’s face as he wailed about how it was all his fault, that he made her leave. 

“You and Brigan both are fucking idiots, you know that? You’ve convinced yourselves that the other doesn’t love you, or that you’ve done something wrong, well news flash, you both made mistakes, but you’ve both been torturing yourselves for five years over something that could’ve and should’ve been fixed with five seconds of actual adult, human communication. Dear fucking lord, just fucking go to him, or let me bring him here. You need to fucking figure this shit out. If you don’t want to drop the Myra bomb with her there, I’ll take her while the two of you work out all of your shit.” Fire is stunned into silence, but she shouldn’t be surprised, Clara has always been overly blunt, and she’s right, Fire needs to see Brigan, needs to talk to him. Why waste anymore time, why let herself change her mind? 

“Will you watch Myra now? If I go to him, will you watch her?” Clara nods, Fire runs up the stairs and finds Myra asleep, but she knows Myra trusts Clara enough to not be alarmed when she wakes up and Fire is gone. So she kisses Myra’s forehead and grabs a coat, before running back down the stairs. “He hasn’t moved has he? You’re all still in the same place.” Clara nods, she knows Brigan will be home, because he rarely leaves the house. Clara goes upstairs to look over Myra as Fire rushes out the door and calls a cab to take her to Brigan’s home.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fire goes to see Brigan.

Brigan hears the doorbell ring, but ignores it, if it’s something important Hanna will call for him. He looks down at his messy desk, strewn with maps and interviews with people who said they had seen Fire, papers full of his scrambled thoughts of where she possibly could’ve gone, he barely registers it when Hanna opens the door to his study and slips in. She clears her throat and Brigan looks up, smiling at his daughter who looks like she just got the best news in the world, before he can ask her about it she says,

“Papa, there’s someone here to see you, someone very important.” Brigan sighs, it’s probably another army buddy, or his brother coming with an associate to try to get him to join some project or the other.

“Well, I suppose you should let them in then Hanna, important people never do like to be kept waiting.” Hanna shoots him a smile that reeks of mischief and before he can even think to respond, Hanna has squeezed out the door again, and a moment later it opens again and he’s face to face with Fire. He can barely believe his eyes, and he can’t stop the half choked sob that comes up his throat at the sight of her. If it was even possible, she was more beautiful than he remembered, even as her eyes fill with tears. Brigan doesn’t remember standing up until he’s right in front of her, and he reaches out to lay a hand on her cheek, but drops it when she flinches away. He staggers back in shock, Fire is afraid of him. The sobs are coming now, whether he wants them to or not. The woman he loves, thought that he was going to hit her. 

Fire regrets it the moment she flinches, the moment that look of horror falls over Brigan’s face, she has made this man suffer and somehow, even if she doesn’t mean to, she can’t seem to stop. Tears are flowing freely down her face and she can’t believe she’s really in the same room as him again. She knows she needs to say something, anything.

“I’m- I’m so sorry Brigan.” Her sobs are making it hard to get any words out. “I’m so sorry, oh god, what have I done?” She falls to her knees and puts her head in her hands. How could she have left him? She doesn’t understand how she managed to live without him for five years. 

Brigan has never seen Fire like this, she has always been so strong and seemingly unmovable. Seeing her break down feels like the end of the world. He doesn’t care if she doesn’t love him anymore, he needs to be able to hold her right now, to tell her it’s all going to be okay, to tell her that he’s sorry for whatever he did to make her leave. He falls to the floor in front of her and gathers her into his arms, holding her to him like he’s holding onto life, and in a way he is. They sob together on the floor of his study for what feels like an eternity. Brigan mutters soothing words to her that somehow seem to make her sob even more. Eventually they both begin to calm down, and Brigan is so afraid that it means she’ll pull away, that she’ll leave again, because why would she need or want him. 

Fire can’t help but feel even more guilty as Brigan wraps her in his arms and tells her that everything will be fine, because she doesn’t know that it will be. How will he react to her telling him about Myra? She doesn’t deserve his comfort or his love. When they both calm down, she doesn’t want to let go of him, but she knows she needs to, knows she needs to have space before she talks to him, tells him about why she left and about Myra. So she pulls away and makes herself stand up, even though she feels as if she has no strength left. She almost thinks she sees disappointment in Brigan’s eyes as she leaves his embrace, but he quickly pulls himself together and sits in his desk chair, motioning for her to pick somewhere to sit as well. The interaction is stiff and awkward. She wrings her hands together and tries to think of what to say, but she doesn’t know how to express everything. The silence stretches on and finally, Brigan is the one to break it, his voice heartbroken and unsure.

“Why- Why did you leave? I know that I made mistakes and I shouldn’t have ruined our friendship by taking more than you wanted to give, but I… I don’t understand why you left, why you didn’t tell any of us.” Fire’s heart breaks at that, that Brigan thinks it’s his fault, that he ruined things when they slept together. 

“You didn’t ruin anything Brigan, it was all me, I was so scared you have to understand. After that night, you didn’t seem to want to be around me and I thought you regretted it, that you didn’t want me and god did I want you and then Myra and…” Fire’s mouth snaps shut. She had wanted to figure out everything else before saying anything about Myra, but maybe it’s better this way, she can’t take it back now, can’t lose her courage. 

“Fire, of course I wanted you-” He stops as he processes what she said, and is confused. “Who is Myra? Fire, did someone make you leave? Have they been stopping you from coming back?” Fire wants to laugh at that, of course his mind would jump to coercion. Instead, she takes a deep breath.

“No one made me leave Brigan, no one but myself. Myra is… She’s my daughter, our daughter.” There was silence and Brigan’s face went from shock, to anger, to sadness and back. Before he could say anything, Fire continued. “I found out I was pregnant and I was so scared Brigan, everything felt like it was crashing down around me. I didn’t know if you’d be angry at me, if you would want our child and I wanted her so badly Brigan. So, I left, I thought it was what was best for Myra and I, what was best for you. I didn’t want you to be saddled with us, to feel some obligation to be with me or to love Myra, I didn’t want you to hate her.” Fire is burning with shame as she says it, voices her fear and insecurities. Brigan sits there still as stone, as if shocked into silence. 

“I- We- We have a daughter?” Fire can hear the emotion in his voice, she forces herself to nod. “Her name is Myra? We have a daughter named Myra, that we made together.” Fire nods again. “You- you thought I would hate her? That I wouldn’t want to be with you? Fire, I love you, so much. I would do anything for you. We have a child together, oh fuck, jesus, I’ve missed so much, just like with Hanna, oh Hanna, what is she going to say, she has a sister.” He looks close to crying again, there is no anger, just astonishment. “What does she look like?” Fire forces herself not to beam at the opportunity to talk about her little girl. 

“Oh Brigan, she looks just like you. She’s so much like you.” Fire has tears in her eyes, she gets out of her chair and goes to stand next to Brigan, showing him photos of their little girl, her purple hair curly like her own, but her face all her father. She has a stabbing moment of panic that he’ll start to react badly now that he’s seen her, seen her monstrous beauty. 

“She’s so beautiful.” Brigan cries out. “Oh Fire, how could I have made you leave? How could I have missed out on all of this? On our daughter growing up.” This panic rises in his throat. “Does she- Does she think I hate her? That I don’t want her?” The thought of his child thinking that he wouldn’t want them, kills him inside. Fire shakes her head. 

“No, she knows that you didn’t know about her, and she’s so smart Brigan. I think Clara has her convinced that you’d love her, I didn’t- I didn’t want to get her hopes up, but Clara was so confident and I was wrong, I was wrong to think so poorly of you, to let my insecurities make me leave, I was wrong to keep her from you.” Brigan reaches out and cradles her face in his hands.

“You were scared and you did what you thought would keep yourself and our daughter safe. I could never fault you for that Fire, you are so brave and so strong. I wish I could’ve been with you, but I understand why you thought it was best that I wasn’t. I love you Fire, you and Myra.” Fire starts to sob again, relief washing over her. 

“I love you too Brigan. I'm sorry for leaving, for keeping Myra from you.” Brigan pulls Fire into his lap, cradling her in his arms. He speaks up hesitantly.

“Can I- Can Hanna and I meet her? Will you come home Fire?” His voice is so small and unsure that it breaks Fire’s heart even more. Brigan may forgive her for what she’s done, but she doubts she will ever be able to forgive herself. 

“Of course you and Hanna can meet Myra, she’ll love you Brigan. As for coming home, that’s a little more complicated. When I left, I opened a cafe, and Myra and I live in the apartment above it. I don’t know if it’s such a good idea to move her, not yet at least. It’s the only home she’s ever known, she’s incredibly smart, but it still might upset her to leave.” Brigan nods sadly, it makes sense not to move Myra until she’s gotten comfortable with him, with Hanna and the rest of their family. Fire never wants to move away from Brigan again, but she’s left Myra alone with Clara for too long. “I need to get back to Myra, it’s getting late. I can tell you the address of the cafe and you and Hanna can come by whenever you can, we’ll be there.” Brigan shakes his head and nods.

“Of course, you need to get home. Do you need a ride home? Then I’d know how to get there.” Fire smiles softly at Brigan and nods. “Okay, just let me get my coat and we’ll go.” Brigan grabs his coat and takes Fire’s hand to lead her out of the office. Hanna, predictably, is standing right outside the door where she was eavesdropping. Her eyes are wide with wonder and excitement. 

“I have a little sister?” Fire nods softly, and Brigan wants so badly to scold her for listening, but this makes it so much easier to talk to her about it. “Do I get to meet her soon? Does she know about me? Does she want to meet me? Is she like you Fire? What does she look like?” Hanna is speaking a million miles a minute and Fire can barely keep up. 

“I’ll tell you all about her on our way to take me home, deal?” Hanna nods furiously and runs to put on her coat and shoes. They all go out to the car and Fire sits in the back with Hanna, telling her everything about Myra. Fire feels happier than she has in a very long time, and the trip is over much too soon for her tastes. Fire bids them goodbye and asks them to wait for Clara to come down. Fire goes up to the apartment and finds Clara and Myra asleep on the couch. Fire shakes Clara gently. 

“Clara, Brigan and Hanna are downstairs waiting to take you home. Thank you so much for looking after her.” Clara nods tiredly and gathers her things before kissing Fire’s cheek and leaving. 

Fire picks Myra up and carries her to her room, settling her into her small bed and kissing her forehead lightly before retreating to her own room to try and sleep.


End file.
